Donkey Kong Jr.

Mass Effect 3 came out this week and is basically the only thing that matters in gaming at the moment. But wow, how immature the vocal minority is being on certain aspects of it. Quick rant rundown of the current hullabaloo.

First off, Shepard Commander is you, in space, as the Galaxy's most important Mary Sue (Gary Stu for those who picked the boring poor-man's Kevin Conroy version). You select his or her appearance, somewhat select your backstory and can choose to be a Paragon (saintly hero) or a Renegade (devilish rogue) and everything inbetween, but with most things with a morality system you really should pick a side to have any real fun. A part of this character-making process is the ability to romance a few of the series' characters. As such, you can choose to be gay if you so desire, be hetero or just ignore romance entirely. Valid option, as there is a Galaxy to save, after all.

Pretty much this. Where's yer immesion now?!

For the record, my heroine, Sophie Shepard, is 100% Paragon with a 20% Renegade steak and is the most charming bitch that managed to save her entire crew in my first playthrough in ME2 and fell in love with Kelly (and eventual pity for Thane when I frustratingly realized Kelly didn't count as a 'real' romance option for mah Trophy completion).

Players are partly complaining about the 'forced gay romance' being presented by ME3. Now I've yet to play the game, instead waiting it out for the hopefully inevitable GOTY edition to save on all the DLC (oh boy, there's another complaint), but having Shepard Commander be the Galaxy's biggest Mary Sue/Gary Stu dictates that in ME1 the opposite human teammate (Kaiden fer gals and Ashley for guys) and the resident hot blue alien trope Liara be into you. Like, WAY into you. I didn't see anyone complaining about 'forced romance' then, though I recall Dragon Age 2 having a similar vein of controversy as ME3.

Being a series so high about choices, how about this: Can't you hetero players choose to not accept any advances you do not care for, like I did for ME1 and ME2? The vocal minority (and I believe most of the backlash for popular games with relatively high critical reviews getting bashed to high heaven -see FFXIII- are indeed written by the vocal minority with very gut-reactionary responses and too much time on their hands) are definitely playing up this aspect way. too. much. for me not to frankly think of them as being childish, immature and not too confident in their sexuality and/or open-minded in a game series that's supposedly about choice.

Which brings me quickly to the last two hot-spots of complaint: the DLC and ending(s?).There's Day 1 downloadable content that is ruffling the hardcore and practical folks' feathers. It's a crew member, similar to Zaeed, as an incentive to combat used game sales, but unlike Zaeed this crewmate is much more interesting lore-wise that makes this a deal-breaker to the hardcore fans. The new teammate, a Prothean, is a huge deal to the lore of the franchise and it is being argued the mission should've been included on the disc as it was finished early enough to become Day 1 DLC and date is supposedly on the disc itself. I have no opinion on how this character is or how important he is to the overall story besides looking like a space alien samurai and being a Prothean, but there's definitely something to say about $10 Day 1 DLC (a reason I like waiting for GOTY to prevent myself from getting killed by my inner completionist).

Sad but apparently true.

The ending(s?) is also a point of contention, seemingly falling into Love It or Hate It category, if the internet is to be believed. SPOILERS: I did some non-spoiler research (hard to find any, and a rare occasion to where I thank GameFAQs's forums) on how the mechanics of the endings work, and found out the following. There seems to be three endings that are determined by the last choice in ME2 and how 'ready' you are for the final controntation. I don't know how the math works (evidently, nor does anyone else if the forums are to be believed), but achieving the best endings require a readiness score of at least 4000 and 5000 for a guaranteed 'perfect' ending. Lower scores fall into six other endings of supposedly 'worse' endings under the three various endings. Which of the three endings that occurs is up to slight differences in play choices that supposedly don't take into account any previous choices in the three games and instead all endings revolve around a couple Matrix-style pill choices, which could explain all the unrest. Some have argued it's the cumulative experience that really matters instead of the mechanics, but diff'rent strokes and whatnot. I have no idea how accurate this is and don't intend to find out until I play the game somtime next year for myself, but it's worth pointing out that many feel cheated by the ending(s?), moreso than any other ending lately aside from XIII-2 (though XIII-2 talk has died down until the Lightning DLC rears its pretty head). The allegories between those two games continues to amuse me.

/rant

BEGUN, THE RR HAS:

BEHOLD: a rare occurance of Mario acting the villain!

Donkey Kong Jr. is obviously based on the arcade platformer of the same name. Players control the epitimous younger Donkey Kong in an attempt to rescue his father from the evil Mario, who cas captured Donkey Kong Sr. following the events of the original Donkey Kong. Fun fact: this is technically Mario's only villanous apperance, though one can argue he can be quite devious in other games (lookin' at you, Mario Party...).

Controls are obviously simple. DK Jr. can climb on vines (grab two for fast ascending, one for quick descending) to reach fruit to drop on local enemies to clear adversaries from the screen and increase their running score. DK Jr. must collect keys scattered around the stages to unlock his father's cage. Once the final stage is completed, the game restarts with higher difficulty, much like its predcessor. Alternate multiplayer is also supported.

All in all, it's a decent arcade platormer. I occasionally misjudge jumps (I blame DK Jr.'s stubby frame) but it's nothing gamebreaking. Dropping fruit on unsuspecting animals is an odd form of therapy. The mechanics definitely helped shape one of my favorite action puzzlers in the Mario vs. Donkey Kong series, so it's nice to see I enjoyed them here in rudimentary form.

Not much of a review, but then again there's not much of a game here, though I don't mean that in a bad way. Fun, and I'd still recommend it for those who don't mind repetition or the novelty of seeing Jumpman as a villain.

Main Series
1. Donkey Kong Jr.

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Now where's the original Donkey Kong, you may be wondering? Well, I'm saving that for my review of the Game Boy version, essentially an amazing enhanced expansion of the original. I'll handle both when the time comes.

Until then, later!